She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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