i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
where am i from again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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