Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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