he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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