Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
