Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
