piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
