her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
