Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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