I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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