why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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