my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
