But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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