I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
