I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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