dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
