Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
