I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
