This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize