if i died would you start the facebook group?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
