Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
