So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
