I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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