I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
