White coat. Heels.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I deserve this hangover.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
