I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
