Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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