Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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