I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
