Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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