Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
