This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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