I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
