Someone shit on the floor
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize