just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
