I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
