is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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