I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
