the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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