..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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