i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
