Rock
Scissors
Fuck
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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