Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
