6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
