there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you would pick up someone in the library
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize