im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
