Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
