Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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