Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
