I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
