Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize