I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Alive.
So much puke
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
