I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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