Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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