So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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