I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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