I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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