i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dick very happy bro
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize