WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
