ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
bring money and cleavage
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
