You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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