I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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