We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
