Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
