She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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