can u get pink eye on your cock?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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