before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
