CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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