I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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