Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
