well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's just like the Real World with babies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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