Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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