Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
