so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
