sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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