I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
