Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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