Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
