I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
