I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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