How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize