Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
