He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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